Crying Is The Part Of Being Strong


One year ago today, I wrote this one. Unfortunately, never had a chance to sit down and  post it out (I don’t know why). November of last year was the time a lesson of life was taught. Without any push or being asked I decided to post it now as a one of my musings.

You never know how strong you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have

Suddenly I feel like I want to cry, do not know why the tears just seem to pour. It seems like the last few days why I feel shortness of breath, perhaps because too many things are there in my heart without being given a chance to get out.

Crying

Seems so long ago since the last time I cried. Suddenly my eyes focused on one update in my twitter timeline “You never know how strong you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have”

This quote has lasted in my mobile phone screen since 2011, the  same year that I began to actually live alone and began to revise my life. Until I finally sold that mobile phone, then I sadly lost that wall-paper also. The wallpaper with just a glimpse, but enough to make me re-focus my mind again to move forward despite the tears which always seemed my true friend at times.

WHY CRYING?

Crying has always been part of being strong. When there is no more we can do to express what we feel, then let it weep because it was or is enough to tell everything. Even the parts that we do not realize at all, even when we pray, weeping is one of the best languages to tell a difficult thing to describe.

When I was at a young age, I did not have any friend or someone who I really could share my life or feelings. So my best friend was always been my loyal tears.

Living in another country with the mindset should make this country as my own country. It was not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. Moreover, to meet the people who actually differ. Working with people who have own ideas which may or may not be the same.

From a kid, I was trained to stand up when there is no one for us. Run when there is no one is supporting us, to act without having someone pushing us, contemplating various things and take the good and run with it. For more than 20 years I was trained like that, then this past year I should start to act and talk about all that I feel, completely smothering everyone.

WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

The thing is I used to able to sort out which ones can be discussed and which ones do not need to be but suddenly everything had to be discussed. It feels like “Shall I go back to be a child again?”. Even when I was still a kid, I used to decide a lot of things by my own and was always “STRONG” in front of many people. Do I have to look weak? Whether for small decisions I have to tell people?

Even when being strong is to tell everything to the other person totally is unacceptable to my psyche. And all that I can do is CRY.

I used to cry because no one was there with me so I can share with. No mom and dad, no friends, though I wept as if it was my last option. Even when I come to pray to God because He is the only friend who stands with me. As the faithful tears and I could feel how God wipes my tears and even the loneliness.

But now I weep because I must discuss everything to people who consider themselves family. From this I learned another kind of family.

THE MUSINGS

In its there are various forms, tears still are best friends in any situation we face. When no one with me in the most critical stages in life. However, we are required to remain strong and tough, crying is the best friend. When so many people around us who want to know about us. Either it is because they really care or they just want to know. Crying remains the best way as God created tears right as solace and true friend who always accompany us.

Gosh

I am a language trainer based in Jakarta, Indonesia. I love traveling, like a lot. I enjoy walking around, language immersion in different places, have a cup of coffee at some unfamiliar coffee shop, embrace the history or art in many different museums. I love coming across people and blending with new culture. I like having conversations with new people, blogging the stories and inspire people.

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